Thursday, February 19, 2009

The horrid world of pocket pooches...

We all have devotion for our loved ones and share it different ways. We'd do anything for our families and friends and stick up for them through every obstacle.

However.

There is a line. A very thick one. That separates love for our fellow man, and our love for this:



Yes, this is indeed a dog. An admittedly pitiful excuse for a dog, but nevertheless, that is its species. This is my sister's dog.

I'd say my sister and her husband are pretty normal folk. They pay their taxes, they eat pizza, and they watch American Idol. Just look at them, how weird could they be?




Well. You don't know their secret. They are OBSESSED with their pets. Here, let me explain....

It all began with the cats.


OZZY


and KITTY, I know, groundbreaking....

They are your average, fat, lazy cats. But Kitty here, he had a vengeance to pay. He and Seth were the only men in my sister's life in the beginning, and he was simply determined to mark his territory.
At first it consisted of hisses and glares in his general direction, then things escalated...
Seth had some important papers, for work, on his desk. There they were, glowing with importance in front of those devious cat eyes, there was only one thing to do...thought Kitty.

The next moment, one could hear a loud man-scream, and an even louder manly-cat-scream and a good thump.

Seth had discovered the pool that Kitty's presence left behind on those papers and found that Kitty had an immediate appointment with his foot, and was seen flailing out the door.

So, a change was in order. The search for a low-maintenance dog (supposedly man's best friend) began...

You think that out of all the dogs one could choose, that this could easily be avoided. But, no. They brought home and rat, and called it a dog. And they named him ACE.



Close up, he looks pretty decent. But his face isn't the problem. It's his pathetic little body that causes some upset...

His neck is freakishly long, body disproportionate, and he can't even sit. His butt will not touch the floor, he's pretty much all legs which accordion together for a little squat. How that's comfy, I don't know.

The worst part is, they don't treat him like a pet. He's their child...really, just look.

They dress him up nice for holidays...



He has his own travel case for trips....




He even gets Christmas presents....



In addition to all these pleasantries, he also gets a spot in the seasonal family photo-ops...




nuzzling Daddy...

and with Mom....

If this isn't obsession I don't know what is....





SO. One would think they would be content with one bony rodent, but no. They've decided to enlarge the canine family. And I didn't think it could be possible, but this one's even worse...

Now presenting Ace's aunt Helen.

Seriously, this is gross.



Ace actually looks normal compared to her.



I'm afraid all hope is lost. They are blind to the literally naked truth squatting before them.
These dogs are hideous.

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