Sunday, February 15, 2009

The Age of Disorders....

We live in a time where there's a pill for everything.

Tired? take a pill
Depressed? take a pill
Moody? take two pills
Smoking? take a pill, and some gum
Restless legs? (seriously, if your legs are feeling particularly restless today) take a pill

So, apparently we all now have the power to create our own syndrome!

Here are a few I've cooked up that I'm SURE that I have,and many others too....
  • TTFW syndrome: when one is Too Tired For Work on a daily basis.

  • UTCYDFM syndrome : the horrible occurrence of being Unable To Cook, You Do it For Me syndrome (now this is serious!)

  • MFSNR syndrome : Now this affects people of all ages, and it's called the My Feet Sure Need Rubbin' syndrome and it's a doozy.
Ok, so these are silly, but here are a few that sound just as ridiculous, but are no joke, the real deal:
  • FLOPPY-VALVE SYNDROME: Mitral Incompetence due to myxomatous degeneration of the leaflets. (I don't know where my leaflets are, but I'm pretty sure they aren't floppy)

  • SHOULDER-HAND SYNDROME: Pain in shoulder and swelling in hand, sometimes occurring after Myocardial Infarction.(I wonder if it has to be simultaneous, or if you can just say, oh my hand! at 4:00 and Ah my shoulder! at 6 if it'll count)

  • DANDY-WALKER SYNDROME: Obstruction of Foramina of Magendie and Luschka in infants ------> Hydrocephalus. (Whoa, whoever got the job of naming this one needs to take one of those pills)

  • PICKWICKIAN SYNDROME: Symptom cluster: Obesity, Hypoventilation, Somnolence, Erythrocytosis. (Uf! It's like an Antique shop sale! PickWick Day: 4 for the price of 1!)

Now my personal favorite, and my current ailment, is LNS disorder. I've had this for awhile now and have accepted that I do, which is 64% of the battle right? (or is it 40%?)

The common term is known as Late Night Snacking disorder. Now this is a highly contagious disorder that can pass as quickly as a glance to the person sitting next to you's plate full of goodies. No kidding, this is serious stuff, and I've got it.

But, no worries. There is a cure, and it's highly effective. This marvelous LNS curing product is shown below...

Not only will you not see the food around you, but you can drown out the crunching and munching with these rare commodities known as ear plugs.

Finally, millions can have a peaceful night free from the craving chains of LNS.

(WARNING! This product will not work if there are mouth-watering scents surrounding you..)

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